Before you start psychoanalysing me, don’t worry. I’m okay. In fact, work wise and personal wise I’ve never been in a better position. And yet, I’m feeling like this:
And no, that’s not PMS or any other [easily explainable condition]. Everything is seemingly going great. It’s just strange how hormones and surrounding circumstances dictate how we perceive the world.
Everybody is killing it (at least on social media); nailing deals one after another, sharing their scientific revelations, posting new podcast episodes, and I just want to do… nothing. I don’t want to practice my gratitude, do ice baths or take a few deep breaths and salute the sun (I can salute it Mr Bean’s style). I don’t want to go for another hard physical training to release endorphins. My karate kumite sessions from this week have been killing me enough. I even started a collection of my bruises and scratches I got over the last months – and it’s filling fast (maybe soon Google will ask me to upgrade the storage?).
Since we’re already on the hormonal subject… running your own company comes with risk of mood swings. You kind of know that when things are going all too well, some major f*up is always just around the corner. Yet, you are here for the trill. You want to make the world a better place, remember?
But whether you like it or not, your body responds to those events by releasing stress hormone – cortisol, which can lead to anxiety and depression when chronically elevated. Same for associated with the “fight or flight” response – adrenaline. And for entrepreneurs, it’s rarely the flight.
Chronic stress and poor sleep patterns can disrupt hormonal balance, leading to mood instability. And, there is mounting evidence that people who get too little sleep have a higher risk of weight gain and obesity than people who get seven to eight hours of sleep a night.
Luckily, I’m not one of them, as I sleep like a baby (but not my neighbour’s baby – this “cute” arsehole screams regularly at 5am, waking us up for an early day kick off.)
You can’t force it.
Sometimes, the less you do, the more magically works out. Like this Chinese finger trap, where, the harder you pull, the tighter it becomes, making it more difficult to escape. The trick to freeing your fingers is to push them towards each other instead of pulling them apart. (Ps. Despite its name, this toy didn’t actually originate in China. It’s believed to have been invented in the United States in the 1860s.)
In psychology, there is this concept of paradoxical intention developed by Viktor Frankl. This technique involves encouraging a patient to intend the very thing they fear. For example, a person with insomnia might be advised to try staying awake, often resulting in them falling asleep more easily.
Then, you have the law of reversed effort or Coué’s Law. This principle states that the harder you try to do something, the less chance you have of success. For instance, the more desperately you try to remember something, the more elusive that memory becomes.
So today I just… fu*k it all.
The contagious nature of emotions
I may have a theory on why I feel how I feel – I’ve got infected with a whining strain. You can laugh about it, but emotional contagion is a well-documented phenomenon where people “catch” the emotions of those around them. This can work both ways – being around negative people can bring us down, but positive people can lift our mood.
Dr Google and Dr Claude also told me that mirror neurons in our brains play a role in this process, allowing us to empathise and synchronise with others’ emotional states. They both suggested strategies for managing emotional contagion as “setting boundaries, practicing mindfulness, and consciously choosing positive social environments when possible” – so I will interpret it as stay the f*ck away from moany, negative people.
Suppressed emotions
Today it may be annoying me a little bit more, but I think I have a problem with people who pretend that everything is fine, when it’s not.
Of course, depending on the role you hold and the industry you’re in, you may be given more freedom of expression. I doubt Metallica ever toned down their rebellious image for corporate interests. But in a tech world, even Zuck dressed in a suit and put on a serious face, meek as a lamb, at his testimony before the U.S. Senate. It’s understandable. Clients, shareholders and your employees want to feel secure, they want to know that you ‘got this’, no matter what hell you may be going through in your head.
But I think we need a bit more transparency and show all our emotions, as constant pressure to be under control and happy can lead to suppression of genuine feelings and emotional dishonesty. That’s how you burn out.
The role of expectations in emotional well-being
So when you see that everyone around you has their shit together and you feel like a mess, you set unrealistic expectations about the thing you’re onto – whether societal or personal. And this can lead to chronic disappointment, feelings of failure and a skewed perception of reality.
It’s easy to talk about failure once you made it, big time. Nepo baby or not, it’s sounds so.damn.inspirational. But when you’re in the ride, giving your whole self and delivering the best you can, only to get gang banged by the bureaucracy, personal indifference or pure socio-economical downturn of events that you have no control of, then at some point it can get under your skin. And that’s ok.
–
I guess I am not-so-secretly craving more genuine connections and spontaneity. Less adult bullshit talk and scheduling next month coffees over calendars. Delivering on promise and not normalising ghosting. And more progress. I am demotivated by how slowly some things go. I have my purpose and I want more action.
Am I asking for too much?
–
Ps. Everybody is prising journaling for emotion processing, so I guess this newsletter is a form of it. Following this line of reasoning, I am using you as a therapist, as it just happens that you made some bad choices in life, and ended up reading it instead of doing more interesting things today.
Don’t bother sending me an invoice. See you next week.
Anyway.