I wasn’t that lucky to be born into a wealthy family, but I was very lucky to be born in a free, politically stable country with access to education and limitless opportunities.
Surely it would be nice to chill on a yacht in summers, shadow other successful people and learn their money language from the early days, play tennis with the best, stay in fancy places and not need to work crazy hours as a waitress to barely afford London accommodation as a student, or start professional career as a graduate management consultant at £25k (in London!). But I am telling myself this hardship strengthened my grit, which I much needed later in life.
“Hey, got any job offer for me?”
Over the years, I’ve met and became closer with many wealthy people. I learned an invaluable lesson early in my career, about the best way to network with those who know their time’s worth – to always create and provide value first. I don’t expect anything of anyone else, until I’ve already done something helpful and selfless for them.
When you’re just starting out, you may not have much to give in terms of financial or business opportunities. You may feel like you need these guys more, than they need you, but don’t undermine your value. You do have something they don’t – a fresh perspective, unspoiled by know-how of their business.
These people often find themselves entrenched in their own circles and routines, so introducing a new idea can be immensely valuable to them. And these are also humans. Humans like to bond and help people they like. If you demonste your genuine interest in that person, you can build trust and credibility over time. And the will want to help you back. It’s in human nature to reciprocate.
You should definitely not ask for favours. Lots of other people compete for their attention, so these guys are super sensitive to opportunistic people. What you really want is information – how they’ve done it, what did and didn’t work. Offer your help first and shadow what they’re doing. The money games they’re playing. That will help you fast-track whatever you’re building.
Keeping it low key
The tricky bit is that most of the really wealthy and powerful (most importantly – in terms of networking) people are low key. In a world that often celebrates opulence, ultra-wealthy prefer to maintain privacy, so you won’t hear or see them in public places flashing their fancy, expensive clothes or driving expensive cars.
Big money likes silence. It’s simpler that way. Money gives a person the freedom to choose whatever he wants, but financial success generates envy and enemies. It often attracts unwanted attention and can make people vulnerable to various risks, such as theft, extortion, or kidnapping. It’s crazy that some people have such “idea” of making money, but they may not know any better. Not everyone has an access to education, inspiring podcasts, business success stories and positive affirmation posts. Some want a shortcut taking bigger risks, with no respect for another human being.
Then, there is a darker reason for staying secret; money laundering and other illegal activities. Such people want to stay invisible for obvious reasons, but let’s focus on the legitimate part of the population 🙂
The point is, that the bigger you are, the less you you feel like you need to prove something. You have your fuck you money, so you can silently realise your deeper ambitions. Your network is all you need to move the needles.
In a world dominated by materialism and superficiality, those who made it, often choose to distance themselves from the trappings of wealth and excessive consumption. They recognise that true happiness lies in experiences, personal relationships and self-growth, rather than the accumulation of things. Buying another expensive car, doesn’t make them any happier.
Ok, it does, but only for a little while.
In psychology, this principle is known as “hedonic treadmill” or “hedonic adaptation”, and is based on the observation, that people tend to adapt to changes in their circumstances, including changes in material possessions and wealth. Initially, acquiring a luxurious car or any other material possession may bring a surge of happiness or pleasure. However, over time, people become accustomed to their new possessions, and the initial excitement and satisfaction diminish.
This phenomenon occurs due to two psychological processes: adaptation and comparison. Adaptation refers to the psychological mechanism by which people become accustomed to new circumstances and stimuli. Initially, the novelty and excitement of owning an expensive car can lead to a temporary boost in happiness. However, as individuals adapt to the new car, its perceived value decreases, and the initial happiness subsides.
Comparison plays a role in this process as well. Humans tend to evaluate their well-being and happiness relative to others. When they acquire a new expensive car, they may experience a temporary increase in happiness as they compare themselves favourably to others who do not possess such a car. But people are greedy beasts, so once they see others with even more luxurious cars or other possessions, the comparative advantage diminishes, so they go back to being sad and unsatisfied.
The more you have, the more you want. At some point, this chasing for carrot stick becomes tiring and pointless, so many of these guys make a U-turn. They start focusing on what truly matters to them (also because they can afford putting all their focus into that). It may be starting philanthropy and making social impact. They go low key, because by avoiding the distractions of fame and excessive public scrutiny, they can work on their causes behind the scenes. In this way, their wealth becomes a means to make a difference rather than a status symbol.
Show business has its own laws
In show biz, as the name suggests, people “show”, so they utilise their wealth and material possessions as part of their public image and branding. Flashing expensive cars and showcasing riches is a trick to cultivate a specific image of success, luxury, and glamour. Just look at all the rappers. It becomes a part of their persona and can contribute to their appeal and popularity within the industry. People want to be them. Visibility and public perception are everything. The entertainment industry often thrives on creating aspirational fantasies and portraying a glamorous lifestyle.
I’ve never aspired to be in show biz so I can’t tell you how to get into those circles. But I’m pretty sure it’s the same pattern – start creating something original, make a name for yourself and with a bit of luck and a lot of perseverance, your talent may be spotted. (Or not, but if I were you, I’d rather die trying than wishy washing.)
Never in our lifetime we had a situation where everyone could become a creator, a broadcaster. AI tools are making it even easier and cheaper to access everything you need to start creating. You have no excuses if you’re thinking of becoming a creator.
Borrowed riches
Lastly, a few notes on the fake rich guys and garls, so called flexers. Those, who want to be perceived as wealthier than they really are, often resort to social media to showcase borrowed riches, creating an illusion of wealth. Flexing is a behaviour rooted in the desire for external validation, that screams insecurity and the need for social acceptance. Stay away from them. They are not the cool kids here.
Do you think how all sorts of sorcery coaches that promise wealth with little work, make money? By selling dreams, courses to more naive, shortcuts seeking people.
Don’t believe in everything what you see on social media. The rise of the rental economy has made it easier for people to borrow high-end goods for temporary use. E.g. In Monaco, luxury car rentals are thriving, because there are kiddos who want to rent a Lambo to drive around Monte Carlo casino, so that other people can take photos of them.
This “rent-and-return” culture perpetuates the illusion of a luxurious lifestyle, allowing people to indulge temporarily in the trappings of affluence. Who is the real wealthy guy here? Rental company owners.
Status: Nobody
What about those who are tabula rasa and came to the business world without inherited power network, like me? Well, you can either sit and complain on how life is unfair, or you can make a name for yourself by giving value. Become known as a self-starter person. Using social media is just one way to do it, and if done well, it can work wonders. But there are other ways. Start or join an initiative, it doesn’t need to be a company. It can be a project or a community.
I met and gained access to incredible people when I started and run NGO Girls in Tech in London for 6 years.
Even through this newsletter, people started reaching out to me and looking up to me (which is flattering and puts more accountability on me, so thank you for helping me keep head on the ground. 😅)
As I grow personally and professionally, more previously hidden doors open for me. And I feel like I deserve it because I worked for it.
So whatever you do, don’t expect anything of other people. Give first. Share your skills and expertise. That’s how you find your passion and vocation. Always be genuine and transparent in your interactions, and your crowd will find you 🙂
