I wish I could talk and see all my little lessons learned and victories as something grand. But I sometimes feel like everything has been said already. I don’t want to add to the noise so I keep silent. As a result, not many people know about what I know and can offer to them. I don’t get as much feedback and support as I could have if I just shared what I learn along the way.
It’s like a Groundhog’s Day from your school where a teacher asks a question, you know the answer but are afraid to put your hand up. Somebody else says what you wanted to say and they get the praise. Speak up, Kid.
I tell to myself-those busy, successful people don’t have time for such confessions-like writing. It’s about ruthlessly focused, professional image, delivering stellar results and nothing else. Almost everything else is time-wasters. I see these smart sounding leaders standing on the shoulders of giants (a.k.a. corporations). I see startups grabbing hundreds of millions Series A (!) and I feel a little unimportant. What do they know that I don’t or can’t learn? Should I just suck it up like others and play the game?
Yet, I do feel that there is more depth and complexity to being an entrepreneur or staring a project of any kind. That a lot of self-doubt and trial and error go behind the scenes. That we all lie to each other a little on how glamorous and linear this journey is. Nobody wants to lean out. Not before you’ve “made it” and then it’s cool to talk about your past struggles.
So as much as I fight this impostor syndrome wondering — does it make me look weak? as much I feel the urge to tell my story, hopefully inspiring others that it’s ok to not know, feel lost but keeping going, until you figure things out.
My dear friend Jürgen says that I should not feel uncomfortable not knowing it all, not being on pair with other established names in the world of AI. I know much more than an average person and I may not know what’s under the hood of GPT-3 models, how they are calculated etc, but that’s not my strength and passion, anyway. I should double down on what drives me and become the best in just that. My strength lays in getting people and resources together, networking, finding links between supposedly unrelated fields and concepts (polymath), dreaming and pushing for a change. For a long time I didn’t see it as a strong value, but then I noticed that nothing happens without a person who takes charge and feels responsible for a given word. It’s me.
What’s your strength?